I have a habit, which is hard to die... I have a very high expectations of myself... My expectation that i set on myself is sky high till I can't even move foward, worrying that one step foward will kill myself...
Right now, I can't go foward nor go backwards... I can't move right now... I always rely on an external push to force me take a step foward... Sometimes, I manage to persuade myself it's safe to go ahead and enjoy what's out there, but as times go by, I will be back in static mode again...
All I ever wanted is to continue to walk without fear and eventually broke into a never ending run, without turning back nor having short breaks... I want to feel that way again... I used to have that kind of feeling... It was wonderful.......
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